Look Before You Leap … Think Before You Advise
Assumption Mindset
“What Gopal, Selva seems to be not here. Is he on leave today?
“Yes sir. I was told that he has gone out of Chennai.”
I was very angry. This is not the first time he takes a day off on Friday. This is the third occasion.
How dare he take 3 days off starting from Friday till Sunday?
“Gopal. you only made him join our office. Where is he living?”
“Sir. Here only. Near Mallippoo Nagar.
“What’s wrong with him? Why didn’t he come to work?”
“Sir, some fight at home. He was upset and gone to Kanchipuram.”
“Okay. Let me see him on Monday. I’ll give him nicely.”
On Monday morning. Selva turned up.
“What man, what’s up? Why didn’t you turn on Friday?”
He stood with his head bowed.
“Heard that fight at home and it seems you were upset and went to Kanchipuram.”
“How old are you Selva? Just eighteen?”
“It doesn’t matter if you take a day off for the office. But imagine the plight of your parents? If you have absconded for two-three days, how would their anxiety be? I don’t know whether you can realize their plight right now.
I started pouring advice to Selva for nearly an hour or so.
Throughout my advice session, Selva never opened his mouth. Without saying a word, he was bowing his head.
“All right, go ahead. Don’t do anything like this anymore.”
I was terribly upset with Gopal, who introduced Selva to our office. I called him.
“What Gopal? What kind of person you had brought in to the office? For almost one hour I was advising him. But he never opened his mouth. My God! I guess he should be a hard nut to crack.
“Sir. I was just listening to what you were saying to Selva. It is true that Selva went to Kanchipuram. It is also true that he had a domestic quarrel. But he was not involved in the fight. Actually it was his MOTHER who fought with hid FATHER and finally went to Kanchipuram. Selva just has to go to Kancheepuram to pacify his mother and bring her back.
My God! I simply assume that this young lad has fought with his parent and went out of the city. I cursed my assumption.
Man with a Mobile Phone in the Park
While I was walking around the De-monte colony Park on my tenth round, I just saw that person. That person sitting on the last bench of the park was still talking on his mobile. A dirty T-shirt and a dirty lungi exposing his undies. He would not have taken a bath for more than five days. It may take him many years to cross the poverty line. The fact was that such a poor person was talking on a mobile phone for more than half an hour. This not only surprised me but also annoyed me.
If he was talking like this, surely the bill amount would have crossed more than thousand rupees a month. After all, his maximum earning would be five thousand rupees. If this was his income, how can he afford to spend more than thousand rupees for a mobile bill alone? What kind of chat is that for almost for an hour?
Real idiots! With that impression, I completed his walking in the park. After finishing the walk, I came up with an idea. What if I talk to him? Why not I nicely advise him not to waste money like this on mobile calls.
That lungi-clad man smiled at me as soon as he saw me.
“Guess you are speaking daily this time here.”
“Yes Sir.”
“You talk for more than half an hour daily. That’s should be lots of money. Whom do you talk to like this? ”
“To son and daughter only.”
“What? Son and daughter? Where are they? ”
“They are studying in Bangalore, sir. My wife passed away just three months ago. So, I thought of putting a stop to their education But my wife was working in a nearby bungalow. Her owner’s daughter was in Bangalore. She agreed to bear the cost of education for my children and took them to Bangalore. But I cannot afford not speaking with my children even for a single day. So that good-hearted lady bought me a mobile phone for me and my children. Everyday, before going to school, they would speak with me for more than half an hour. But today is the last day I may speak to them over phone.”
“Why man? What happens?”
“Shanthiamma, also got me a job in Bangalore. I am going to Bangalore tonight. I will be there with my children from now on, sir. No need to talk like that ”
Oh my God! Another occasion where I assumed something on my own and started acting. I guess I need to be more careful and vigilant before making any generic assumptions.
Assumption Vs Inference
Some of you may think we make several assumptions in corporate like and personal life. We may not have enough time to gather all the facts and figures to form an opinion or make an assumption. This is where we need to understand the difference between assumption and inference. Inference is nothing but an assumption with the support of facts. It is just not the emotional gut-feeling. It is just based on both logic and emotion. However, even inferences are also not always accurate. Sometimes, the way you interpret your observations may be illogical or inaccurate. We need to excise caution whether we assume or infer things, especially when the stakes are high.
Five Things to Improve Assumption Mindset
· Never judge a person by his appearance. (This may look contradictory to my earlier blog post titled “Bouba & Kiki”, wherein I talked about first impression mindset. In that chapter, I mentioned that it may be difficult for people not to judge a book by its cover. So to get best impression, I suggested you to focus on first impression. That was regarding outside view of you. But to be a matured person, now I am suggesting you not to make assumptions by being judgmental.)
· When you are in doubt, do not hesitate to give benefits of doubt.
· Ask questions rather than assuming.
· Stop reacting rather than responding.
· Be mindful. Pay attention to when you are making assumptions and start to recognize that they are assumptions in the first place.
